failure

So it turns out I am a total failure at this blog thing. I'm not going to beat myself up over it. I am going to--as some wise person put on their facebook status--lower my standards and be awesome! If you can't handle this kind of awesomeness then get out of my blog! Haha.

But really, I've been thinking about failure lately. When Caleb was born and I was trying to learn how to feed him (and help him unlearn what the hospital nurses had taught him) I was spending many frustrating hours either nursing or pumping and with little success. Around that time, my mom gave me an ipod. This quickly made my nursing times much more entertaining and relaxing. I watched funny videos on youtube to cheer myself up. And somehow or other I got addicted to failblog. At that time on their site they posted the motto: making you feel better about yourself every day--or something like that. Since then they have removed that motto, but I still look at failblog (the clean stuff) every once in a while for that very reason. There's something about watching idiots try something stupid and land on their faces that makes me feel better about myself. Sad, I know, but what can I say. By God's grace, and through the support of others I have been able to nurse Caleb successfully for 8 months now and it has been a wonderful experience that I wouldn't trade for anything. But now that he is moving into the "solids" territory I am feeling like a failure again because nursing became so convenient and I can't seem to get in the habit of making and taking baby food every day. Pray for me!

Anyways, I have a tendency to label myself a failure at the first sign of trouble. I don't know where it comes from. Josh always tells me I'm a winner for even having been born--he's a bit more optimistic than I am! But God is showing me something new.

Here's the truth: sometimes I fail. Sometimes I am a 'failure.' But that's not the point. When I am focused on myself and beating myself up it means I am not focused on God and His great, unconditional love for me. That means I am missing the point of my life. Sometimes I know I talk about how sucky I am because I crave hearing people say that I am not sucky. I get into this problem with my husband a lot because he will not play along. Here's the good news: it's okay for me to be sucky. I don't need people to tell me that I am not sucky or not a failure. In fact, I probably am a big sucky failure. But God loves me. So if you hear me talking about how terrible I am at this or that, please don't give in and correct me. Just tell me that Jesus loves me and let it be.

I have decided to make this my "life verse."

2 Corinthians 12:9-10 But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.

歌 林 多 後 書 12:9-10
9 他 對 我 說 ： 我 的 恩 典 夠 你 用 的 ， 因 為 我 的 能 力 是 在 人 的 軟 弱 上 顯 得 完 全 。 所 以 ， 我 更 喜 歡 誇 自 己 的 軟 弱 ， 好 叫 基 督 的 能 力 覆 庇 我 。
10 我 為 基 督 的 緣 故 ， 就 以 軟 弱 、 凌 辱 、 急 難 、 逼 迫 、 困 苦 為 可 喜 樂 的 ； 因 我 甚 麼 時 候 軟 弱 ， 甚 麼 時 候 就 剛 強 了 。