the gospel

As some of you know, I have given up facebook in preparation for Easter. It's not because I'm super holy or anything like that, I just wanted to spend more time with God, reflecting on the cross. Easter becomes so much more meaningful when we prepare our hearts for it! Anyways, I have had limited success with using my time more wisely, but being off facebook has been freeing in a few unexpected ways. First of all, I realized that I was running to facebook for affirmation instead of turning to God. Ultimately the praises of others are not satisfying, but finding our worth in Christ is. Also, although I miss being in touch with people, I had become so addicted to facebook that I wanted to know what was going on with everybody all the time. It created this artificial sense of friendship which has filled a void created by being home a lot with Caleb. Don't get me wrong, I LOVE being at home with Caleb, but I am not an island--I am part of the body of Christ and I need to be with others as well. When that part of me feels fulfilled by facebook I don't do as good of a job reaching out to others around me. I don't think facebook is evil. I think it serves a purpose, especially since I am far from many loved ones, but I had given it too much importance in my life and that needed to be dealt with.

That said, I have been thinking and God has been working in me. He has been healing some unhealthy stuff in me and bringing up other stuff we still need to work on. (His work is never finished!) The other day I was with Caleb at the park and it was afternoon so many grandparents were out with their grandchildren. In Taiwanese society grandparents often raise the kids while parents work. My mother-in-law would like to have it that way too, but there's no way I'm giving up the chance to raise my amazing son. Well I was sitting there and a though popped into my head as thoughts sometimes do. I though, "Why don't I share the gospel more?" I remember talking with my family about all the things I love about Taiwan. One was that people are often open to hearing about Jesus. It is hard for them to make the decision to become a Christian, but they are usually open to discussing Jesus or even coming to a Bible study. However, I have become so super-focused on being a mom that I have let this part of my life go. I think to a point, that super-focus is given to moms by God. It helps us deal with the huge life change of becoming a mom and to take our responsibility seriously. It helps to ensure the survival of our little ones. On the other hand, in all things we need balance, right?

I often get overwhelmed with the idea of sharing the gospel. I think, if I open myself up to the Holy Spirit's leading, I will be sharing the gospel all day every day and never get a break. Also it scares me because I am timid by nature. So I ignore this part of my calling. I wasn't always this way. When I first came to Taiwan I saw sharing the gospel as a large part of my purpose for being here so I did it enthusiastically. However, the longer I have stayed and the more I understand the culture, the more monumental the obstacles seem. I know that it is extremely difficult for a person to go against their family's wishes and become a Christian. I know that Satan has used cults to create much confusion about Christianity. I know that it is easy for a person to want to add Jesus into their religious conglomerate of beliefs without understanding that He must be our one and only. So at some point I stopped sharing. I stopped wanting to share. I lost my passion.

Along with the thought, "Why don't I share the gospel more," another thought popped into my brain. "What if I did an experiment where I shared the gospel every day for 40 days and I just see what happens." I have kept thinking of this challenge sine that day. I have a few problems with it. First, it seems like it is making light of a very serious matter. Second, it seems like it is taking into my own hands a work that should be led by the Holy Spirit. Those thoughts seem rational. Until I think further. Jesus gave us the great commission. It is part of our work as Christians to share the gospel. If I shared the gospel once a day it would be pretty much a 100% increase from what I'm doing now. What's the worst that could happen? 40 rejections? So what? Also, just because I do this 40 day experiment, it doesn't mean I am limited. I have in mind to use the 40 days after Easter, in accordance with how many days the resurrected Lord walked the earth. But that doesn't mean I can't start practicing now. And it doesn't mean I can only share once a day. And it doesn't mean I stop after 40 days. You know what I mean? I mean the way of doing it doesn't sound very spiritual, but it is a good thing to do and in theory I would hope it would help me to rebuild the habit of sharing the gospel into my life. I have heard it said that when Jesus said "Go into all the world," it could be translated "as you go." We are to share the gospel as we go about our daily lives. Right now I am not doing that. Besides, many people are drawn to talking to me because of my adorable baby. How threatening can I be with Caleb strapped to me?

So I think I'm going to do it. I'll keep you posted, but I can't think of a real reason not to. And now, telling you about it will help solidify my commitment. I want to get a few tools ready (evangecube, wordless book, etc.). Tell me if you have any other great ones. If I indeed follow through I will try to be faithful to posting results here, but I am really bad at blogging so no promises. But if anything exciting happens I'll be sure to let you know. Please join me in prayer if you think of it!

-paula

failure

So it turns out I am a total failure at this blog thing. I'm not going to beat myself up over it. I am going to--as some wise person put on their facebook status--lower my standards and be awesome! If you can't handle this kind of awesomeness then get out of my blog! Haha.

But really, I've been thinking about failure lately. When Caleb was born and I was trying to learn how to feed him (and help him unlearn what the hospital nurses had taught him) I was spending many frustrating hours either nursing or pumping and with little success. Around that time, my mom gave me an ipod. This quickly made my nursing times much more entertaining and relaxing. I watched funny videos on youtube to cheer myself up. And somehow or other I got addicted to failblog. At that time on their site they posted the motto: making you feel better about yourself every day--or something like that. Since then they have removed that motto, but I still look at failblog (the clean stuff) every once in a while for that very reason. There's something about watching idiots try something stupid and land on their faces that makes me feel better about myself. Sad, I know, but what can I say. By God's grace, and through the support of others I have been able to nurse Caleb successfully for 8 months now and it has been a wonderful experience that I wouldn't trade for anything. But now that he is moving into the "solids" territory I am feeling like a failure again because nursing became so convenient and I can't seem to get in the habit of making and taking baby food every day. Pray for me!

Anyways, I have a tendency to label myself a failure at the first sign of trouble. I don't know where it comes from. Josh always tells me I'm a winner for even having been born--he's a bit more optimistic than I am! But God is showing me something new.

Here's the truth: sometimes I fail. Sometimes I am a 'failure.' But that's not the point. When I am focused on myself and beating myself up it means I am not focused on God and His great, unconditional love for me. That means I am missing the point of my life. Sometimes I know I talk about how sucky I am because I crave hearing people say that I am not sucky. I get into this problem with my husband a lot because he will not play along. Here's the good news: it's okay for me to be sucky. I don't need people to tell me that I am not sucky or not a failure. In fact, I probably am a big sucky failure. But God loves me. So if you hear me talking about how terrible I am at this or that, please don't give in and correct me. Just tell me that Jesus loves me and let it be.

I have decided to make this my "life verse."

2 Corinthians 12:9-10 But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.

歌 林 多 後 書 12:9-10
9 他 對 我 說 ： 我 的 恩 典 夠 你 用 的 ， 因 為 我 的 能 力 是 在 人 的 軟 弱 上 顯 得 完 全 。 所 以 ， 我 更 喜 歡 誇 自 己 的 軟 弱 ， 好 叫 基 督 的 能 力 覆 庇 我 。
10 我 為 基 督 的 緣 故 ， 就 以 軟 弱 、 凌 辱 、 急 難 、 逼 迫 、 困 苦 為 可 喜 樂 的 ； 因 我 甚 麼 時 候 軟 弱 ， 甚 麼 時 候 就 剛 強 了 。