God's Gentle School of Homemaking

My thoughts and words about myself as a homemaker used to be hopelessly negative. In my mind or out loud I was constantly berating myself, talking about how incompetent I was and what a complete failure I was in the area of homemaking. As a child I guess I gave my mom such a hard time about doing chores that she never really taught me her methods of cooking for/cleaning up after a family. Because I was a good student and found my sense of accomplishment in the academic world, I never worried about it. But then I got married, had kid(s), and stopped being a student. All the sudden my lack of good daily cleaning/cooking habits and lack of general kitchen/household knowledge seemed overwhelming and too daunting to ever overcome. I felt worthless in the home. So for my first year of marriage I stayed out of the home. And my second year of marriage I went back to school. But then I had my sweet son Caleb and I wanted to change everything. I want to be the kind of mom my own mother was--always providing meals, entertainment and a nice home environment for us without ever seeming frazzled, rushed or tired. In fact, I hardly ever noticed her doing household chores growing up, she did it so naturally and casually without ever complaining or even asking for help. I will probably never be quite like her, but I knew I had to make some changes. Yet I didn't know where to begin. I am such a lazy slob deep down...

So who would be my teacher in this new school of homemaking? I sometimes ask my mom questions but she lives a bit far away. My mother-in-law always leaves the house spic and span but our relationship is a bit strained. I see women around me managing their households well but nobody seems willing to really tell me the nitty gritty of how they do it--cleaning schedules, techniques, menu plans, etc. I don't think anyone realizes that I'm really starting out at level zero here; I really know nothing. Only recently I couldn't boil eggs. I still don't know how to properly clean a toilet or shower. I know it's pathetic. But I have a good, patient and gentle teacher now: God himself! Okay, he often uses other sources to teach me, but little by little useful information is sinking in and then slowly, slowly step by step I am implementing it. I know without God's power to change I wouldn't be able to take those baby steps. And when I do, I feel so good. But most importantly, God has been changing the way I think, talk, view myself as a woman.

Like He so often does, He's turning the negative into a positive. Even if it's true that I'm the worst homemaker in the world, dwelling on it sure doesn't help anything. Instead, I've been focusing on what one thing can I do to bless my family (and really myself) today or right now. It's baby steps, but when I look to Him, God is faithful to show me the next step, and He has been using a slew of blogs written mostly by other Christian homemakers to instill knowledge into my thick skull. It's also two steps forward and one step back, but even though I have slip-ups and sometimes give in to laziness, I never want to go back to the way I used to be. Two weeks ago I tried my first menu plan. I didn't stick to it completely, partly because my mother in law brought enough food for an army mid-week, but for the most part I enjoyed it and it took anxiety out of my days. I struggle with guilt over asking Josh to watch Caleb and let me cook, but I'm trying to realize that it is a blessing for my whole family if I can cook, and he might have spent the time going out to buy dinner anyways. There's much to say and I don't know if I'm expressing myself very well, but I'm learning so much and feel so encouraged. I have a LONG way to go, but I'm not worrying about that. Once I make it a habit to do the minimum things I am doing now, I can build on that foundation. I no longer say that I am terrible, useless, awful--I say "I am learning, I am improving, I will make one change to improve this week." This week was my birthday week and I let things slide in order to celebrate. It was good for a day or two, but then I started to go crazy because I am depending on myself to follow through with these new habits. When I don't, I let myself down. I never knew how good I could feel about myself for doing simple chores and following through on things I tell myself I will do. I used to say I would do it but then I never would.

Part of this newfound success comes from Caleb learning to fall asleep without me nursing him to sleep. It sounds small, but it's revolutionized my life. There was a big hangup in this area because of a disagreement between Josh and I, but an older couple gave us some good advice and Josh gave me the green light to try to do things differently. God showed me step by step what to do to suit both Caleb's and my personality and he learned faster and more easily than I imagined possible to fall asleep in his crib. It wasn't even very painful. And once he learned that, he somehow started going to bed earlier and earlier without my prompting. The drawback is that this means earlier mornings for me, but the total worth-it payback is that at night I have energy to do household chores or some cooking/meal prep. This has made such a difference in my life that I can't even describe it. Anyways, all this to say that I am no longer a student in the academic sense of the word, but I love my new enrollment in God's Gentle School of Homemaking and I long to be a blessing to my household.

Proverbs 14:1 says "The wise woman builds her house, but with her own hands the foolish one tears hers down." I want to be the wise woman. Some days the foolish woman comes back out, but I am not focusing on that. I am focusing on the fact that I am improving and that SOME OF THE TIME I am building up my house with wisdom. God, please give me the grace and continued guidance to learn to be wise and work with strong arms (Prov 31:17) to build this house, which is really YOUR house. Amen!