More than Happiness

Want to know how to discourage a new mother of two? When she returns from an outing with both of her babies and her large double stroller tell her that you've noticed that her older son is so unhappy these days. Let her know you never see him smile anymore. That's how the guard of our building has chosen to greet me recently. The other day after such an exchange I found myself riding up the elevator in tears. But God met me in that moment. Sometimes it's hard to measure how good of a job you're doing when you're a mother. It's tempting to measure it by the happiness of your child. When he is smiling and laughing you feel like a good mother, but when he is moody, crying about one thing after another, and unhappy for a good portion of the day, you must be a bad mother, right? Wrong, as God reminded me. It's about more than happiness. God's ultimate goal for my son, and for you and me, is more than happiness. James 1:2-4 tells us to "consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything." God's desire for us is to develop our character into the likeness of Christ. This is not to say that he doesn't want us to be happy. He wants us to live life to the fullest (John 10:10)! But He knows what is best for us and values maturity of character and fruit that will last over temporal happiness. A good parent will naturally desire for his/her child to be happy. But a good parent realizes that the goal of godliness for his/her child comes above the goal of happiness. If it was all about happiness then it would make sense to give in to my child's every desire and give him everything he wants. But it's not all about happiness. We all know what happens to the child who gets everything he/she wants. It's not pretty. That's not what I want for my children and that's not what God wants for me. I have been learning how this applies not only to my kids but to me as well. Even though it should be obvious, I had forgotten or lost sight of this truth. I was struggling in my marriage and wondering why God wasn't making it easier. When I prayed it always seemed to get harder and I wondered why it felt like God wasn't helping me. Finally I realized that God was trying to develop my character. When I prayed, he provided challenges, aka opportunities to grow. Opportunities to obey. I failed. Almost every single time. But now that I see things differently, I am ready to try harder. I am no longer asking for God to make it easier, but for him to give me the strength to do the right thing when the trials come. Because they will. It does not say anywhere in the Bible that when we pray, God will take all trials away from us. But it does say that He will never leave us (Hebrews 13:5). And 2 Timothy 3:16-17 tells us that scripture equips us for every good work. I want to be the kind of wife and mother that is equipped to do good works that will bless my family. God is helping me become that wife and mother. Caleb continues to be moody and opinionated, but he also has a super sweet side to him. Recently he has become much more affectionate with me and will even give me kisses--sometimes when I ask for them and sometimes all on his own. He is struggling a bit to find his place in the family and also beginning to assert his independence more. As a mother I have the difficult job of knowing when to say no and when to say yes. I try to say yes as much as possible in order not to crush his spirit, but I still have to say no plenty of times throughout the day. Pray for me to have discernment, perseverance and patience as Caleb's mother. Pray for me to be a mother that encourages creativity and gives my children the space they need to grow and learn. I want to work hard to provide a nurturing environment, positive memories, and fun experiences for my kids. It's a hard job, but I'm so glad God hand-picked me to be Caleb and Isaac's mom. What a joy!

Life with Two

I am so loving my life with two littles. They are both so precious in their own unique ways. I'd also like to say I am really thankful that I've had enough help from hubby, mother-in-law, and church friends that I can actually enjoy life with them instead of pull my hair out every day. Isaac continues to be the best baby on the planet. He sleeps well, eats well, smiles a big goofy grin and loves having conversations with people. I am so smitten. Caleb is struggling more with the transition to a family of four, but I have seen a lot of improvement in him. And God's grace is sufficient--every single day! Thank you, Lord. He provides everything we need: emotionally, spiritually, and physically. I am infusing my days with the boys with praise, joy and thankfulness. I fill the days with singing and teaching them about God's blessings. We are incredibly blessed. And when everything is going wrong and both kids are crying or Caleb is trying to hit his head on the ground, I praise Him. Having two littles is difficult at times, but I know this phase will pass quickly and I'm trying to enjoy the moments. I'm grateful to God for his help and guidance each step of the way. In Chinese when a couple gets married they combine two of the characters for joy and call it "double happiness." I would like to combine four of the characters for joy--quadruple happiness--that is my new family!

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