winter solstice

"in the bleak mid-winter," we sing about the birth of Jesus, our living hope, occurring in the middle of the coldest, darkest season we experience. Well, I hope I don't shock you when I say that Jesus wasn't actually born on December 25th. And I hope I don't shock you further by saying that Christmas was originally a pagan holiday to celebrate the winter solstice. These facts don't bother me at all and I hope they won't keep you up at night either. But here's what I've been ruminating over in the two to four minutes of the day when I have spare brain power for ruminating. Winter solstice, symbolically, is the ultimately perfect time to celebrate Jesus' birth, or Christmas--in the northern hemisphere, at least. (Especially since we don't know the exact date that Jesus was actually born anyways.) It can be thought of as the shortest day of the year, or, more optimistically, the day from which each day will become almost imperceptibly warmer and brighter. The day from which the dread of dark and night begin to fall away and lose their power. And that's exactly the moment when Jesus appears in our lives. When things seem darkest and most hopeless, there he appears, often unannounced, to change everything. The day that hope dawns. Ancient cultures have celebrated the solstice for years. It just passed and here in Taiwan people were eating tang yuan (a sweet soup made with glutinous rice balls) and medicinal soups for warmth and health as part of the celebration. In ancient pagan culture the event was associated with the birth or rebirth of the sun god. Who is he, the prince of peace who was born for us, but the appearance of the sun piercing through the darkness? In the Bible, Jesus has been compared figuratively to the sun, which gives life and light to Earth. Ancient cultures also celebrated the theme of reversal, which coincides nicely with Christmas as well. Satan's reign of sin and death are being reversed with this tiny new life which comes down from heaven and is for all mankind. So I'm a day late and dollar short in writing this, as I am with all things in my current stage of life, but I stop for a moment and praise the God who met us and meets us in our moment of profound darkness with an answer that was more than we could have asked for or imagined, and dispels our darkness. Not suddenly, but with almost imperceptible incrementally increasing amounts of light. He is Beautiful. "Oh, come let us adore him, Christ the Lord!"

When you fail your spouse

When you fail your spouse, you do not become that failure. When you act unloving, it does not mean you become unlovable. When you say what you shouldn't have said, it does not mean you are unforgivable. When you fail your spouse, that failure does not define you. When you fail your spouse, there is grace. Your spouse may not forgive you, but God is faithful to forgive. Your spouse may not extend you grace, but God is lavishly gracious. Your spouse may hold your wrongs against you, but God removes them from His mind. When you fail your spouse, you are still a child of God and He still welcomes you home. When you fail your spouse, He gives strength to keep going and to try again. When you fail your spouse, He has tender mercies ready to pour out on you. When you fail your spouse, it's not about forgiving yourself, but about receiving God's forgiveness. Have I convinced you? If not, meditate on Psalm 51.

When your spouse fails you

When your spouse fails you, Remember that God will never fail. When your spouse hurts you, He holds your tears in a jar and makes you whole. When your spouse misunderstands you, Remember that there is One who knows you better than you know yourself. When your spouse judges you, Remember that there is only One who judges rightly. When your spouse forgets you, There is One who never forgets. When your spouse wrongs you, Remember that He will put all things right in the end. When your spouse criticizes you, He will quietly sing over you with Love. When your spouse rejects you, He holds you in His arms. When your spouse doesn't love you anymore, Receive strength from Christ To choose Love anyways.

Isaac's words

Because our beloved first child has some serious developmental delays, I have been watching our second son, Isaac, a bit more carefully. A few weeks ago I thought he turned 18 months and only had about 3-4 words and I was a bit troubled. Then I realized he was only 17 months. Babycenter says that by 18 months kids should have about 15 words. I am very happy to be able to report that he made it! (Even though I know that kids growing up in multilingual environments get a few grace months.) Before I share his list of words I just want to reiterate what a complete and total sweetheart Isaac is. He is oozing with sweetness. His voice is quiet, soft and sincere. Ok, here are his words, not necessarily in order, as well as I can remember. 1. mama 2. baba 3. up (for up or down) 4. apple 5. shoes 6. book 7. cracker 8. cookie 9. xie xie (thank you) 10. gege (big brother) 11. more 12. Elmo 13. zhege zhege (this, this) 14. nonono 15. water Isaac also passes out lots of kisses--mommy's favorite! Love him.

Therapy

I enjoy reading the sweet and encouraging Dear Mom letters over at this blog http://rachelmariemartin.blogspot. Here is one she didn't write but I wish she had. It is for you. It is for me. It has no spacing or indentation because I cannot figure out how to make my blog publish the spacing that I so carefully place into it. Dear Mom (or Dad) who takes your child to therapy on a regular basis, You know that feeling that your exhaustion seems out of proportion to the few hours a week you accompany your child to therapy? It's not. Taking your child to therapy is truly exhausting. I know. I take my son to therapy every. single. weekday. And I am constantly thinking about how I can build more "therapy" into our daily lives and activities. Each day I barely have enough to make it through, but I make it. Barely. God is a good parent. It is a lofty yet appropriate goal to become like him as we parent our children. God, however, has unlimited time, unlimited energy and unlimited resources. By contrast, we humans have limited time, limited energy and limited resources. When you have a child that needs to be taken to therapy regularly it uses more of the time, energy and resources allotted to you. And it's not like dropping a kid off at school. Which I've never yet done, but I can imagine that bittersweet freedom. But no, therapy class is for the parents to learn as much as the children. You, the parent, must learn to become your child's 24 hour personal therapist. You must become your child's greatest advocate for life. So you attend the class, rooting for your child with all of your being. As if by willing it strongly enough you could make your child recover from whatever trauma he's been through. Help him take those steps to "catch up" a little with his peers. Whether you are holding his hand as he walks another obstacle course or sitting on the sidelines cheering, you are using all of the parenthood force to hope that this will be a breakthrough moment for him. That all of those times putting pegs in a pegboard and pulling them out again will add up to increased dexterity. That all of the balance beams walked across will equal greater equilibrium. That one of the times when you ask what color the ball is, he is going to look at you and say clearly, "It's red." Let me tell you something about using the force of parenthood--it's draining! And sometimes you are not only concentrating the force towards your child, but sometimes you must aim a lot of it towards his teacher as well. Willing her to get to class on time. Willing her this time not to waste ten precious therapy minutes on announcements or less-engaging activities. Willing her to understand what your child needs. And then when the class is finally over, not only is your child spent but so are you! Well at least the world understands that you are spent, right? You come home and someone hands you a free extra large latte and says, "You did real good working the parental force today, take a break why don't you?" Your children look at you and see your exhaustion and say, "We are going to go to the other room and play with our toys nicely for an hour." You kick back and relax. Ahhhh. Dream world is nice, isn't it? But of course we know it's not reality. You are responsible for at least one child who, at this time of life, needs a lot of extra help. And you want that child to have healthy meals. And a positive home environment. And the right amount of stimulation. And enough sleep. But in reality, without a second set of hands, some of those positive parenting goals are just out of reach for you. And then the other big life-sucker comes into play: parental guilt. Maybe I didn't talk to him enough or stimulate him enough or feed him enough of the right foods or let him exercise enough or play with him enough or send him to playgroups enough or go out enough or stay home enough. Maybe it was the vaccinations or lack of... Basically you can make yourself crazy on this one. You know you shouldn't, but it's oh so easy to go down that road. Well, don't. God made you Mommy and with God's help, you ARE enough. His grace is sufficient for you--yes, YOU. You may be exhausted, but our God, who gives good gifts, will supply enough energy from his unlimited supply to get you through today. But here's the secret. You have to lean in. Harder. Harder! Let go. Let go of the force. Let go of the guilt. Let go of the anxiety. God's got you in his arms. God's got your child in his arms and in His plans. Breathe. You are going to make it. And remember these words of wisdom: Matthew 6:34 "Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own." Aint that the truth! Be blessed! Go in peace.

Has parenting gotten harder?

Has parenting gotten harder? I keep pondering this question and I feel like I know what the answer must be and yet it's somewhat of a mystery to me. This is what I mean. Think of parents ten, twenty, or a hundred years ago. First and foremost, they couldn't consult the Internet for every question, recipe, symptom, or other curiosity. How did they live? Then, the further back you go, they could not depend on their husbands for help. Husbands would not consider changing diapers, rocking children to sleep, much less pitching in with laundry or washing the dishes. The further back you go, women were less able to buy things outside of the home. A woman might not have the money or option to buy a take-out meal and more things had to be made by hand. Like butter. Or bread. Or clothes. Expectations for housekeeping and hospitality were higher than they are now. And there were no videos or electronic gadgets to entertain the kids for a bit while the woman attended to those tasks. What did they do? And people often had more children than we do now and the expectations for children's behavior were more strict. So first of all I don't understand how the women who came before did it all. Even my own mother raised four kids, kept house, made meals and never complained or seemed flustered. My grandma raised 11 kids and was not even allowed to call her mother with a question because of the expense of a long distance phone call. But not only am I perplexed by the question of how did they do it, but I wonder for modern mothers like myself, why does it seem so hard? I can barely make dinner a few days a week and I can never keep up with dishes, laundry or housework. And my husband helps out. A lot. And I have a washing machine for the clothes and a microwave and a McDonald's nearby (don't judge) and we eat takeout meals ALL THE TIME (don't judge). That said, we don't eat McDonald's all the time. But seriously! I barely ever accomplish anything except the bare minimum of what is necessary to survive. And I feel like I work pretty hard. And I'm always tired. So what is wrong with me? And I'm not the only mother I know in this situation. Has parenting gotten harder? It seems like it has gotten easier with all the modern innovations at our disposal and the way men's and women's roles have adjusted. So why does it seem impossible to be a good mom and a good homemaker? I'm stumped. Can anyone shed some light on this for me? Also, as I've been thinking all this over I have decided to make for myself a mother's job description. Would anyone care to join me in this endeavor? I feel like it will help me focus on what I truly feel to be my God-given responsibility and what is just extra (anything you can find on Pinterest). I want to post it in my house and come back to it both to encourage me and to help me recognize areas for improvement. I want to be anointed by God for this amazing and important job of motherhood. Please consider writing your own so we can share and inspire each other in this way. Well, off to work on all the jobs that need to be completed around the house!

unexpected blessings

Since writing my last post about things I miss since having kids something strange has happened. I keep finding opportunities to get to do some of the items on my list! God has been spoiling me. I have been wanting to write a follow-up or delete the last post anyways. Even though I said I wasn't complaining I felt like I must have been complaining or else what was I doing? And I discovered it. I was trying to remember and maintain my identity, my sense of self. When parenting small children, you have to remember who you are because you don't have as many outlets or chances for natural expression as you once did. Fortunately I find my identity in Christ so that even when I can't do what I love to do, I am still me. But God made us in His image and we are creative beings with unique personalities, desires and passions. By writing down the things that I like to do that energize me I feel like I'm preserving a bit of my identity here in my blog. I also wanted to say that it's not like I never get to do the things on the list, just not any old time that I want to, like when I was single. And now that I don't have the chance to do many of those things on a regular basis, of course I am still me, deep down. I just have to fight harder to remember. Still, I don't want to come across as ungrateful for one minute. I am so grateful for the blessings in my life and I am filled with JOY every day. Today was another day that God treated me to a night out with friends. My hubby took the two kids willingly and I got to eat a yummy meal and feel pretty. I even got to ride my scooter! God is good to me all the time. Then I got to come home and snuggle my little ones and read them a Bible story from the Jesus Storybook Bible. We read about the lost son. Thinking about this tonight: God says to his children, "you are always with me, and everything I have is yours." Luke 15:31 I believe this is the secret to being content in any situation, whether you are a tired mom of littles, a lonely single person, a person longing for a child, a person who has grown old and lost many loved ones, a person facing a dark valley in life--be encouraged. Don't believe the lies the enemy will tell you but believe this truth. God is always with you and everything he has is yours. I don't know about you but I'm thinking--that's a LOT! That's ENOUGH!